We tend to create rules for how the world works based on the feedback we receive from those around us that we care about. This can be difficult if a person close to you has an emotionally driven view of the world. As their emotions change, so can the rules. This can create opposing rule sets that we try to follow based on the feedback we receive. Narcissistic people and emotionally immature people are especially known for developing these kinds of rules. Their anger comes out of nowhere and emotionally shames our behavior that until now was considered fine.
Paying attention to the emotional state of a person telling you something is suddenly unacceptable can be a strength in the process of determining what is real and what is emotionally charged. I tell parents all the time to let their children know any punishment handed out in anger is not guaranteed to stand. This is because we say things out of frustration that we might not mean. The problem is that people who are under our care believe us and take these statements to heart. That isn’t fair to them.
My suggestion to many clients is to check back after the emotions have calmed to see if the rules developed in those heated moments are still true. Sometimes they will be, and we can integrate those rules then. Other times these rules were never actually the issue and can be discarded. It is important to communicate about expectations. You can read more about this is my post on boundaries. Expectations must be agreed upon. No person should be able to emotionally bully you into accepting new expectations, especially ones that they are only yelling about due to anger of the moment.
Go back and explore assumptions and rules made during times of strong emotion. See if they still stand or if perhaps those expectations were never actually the problem. Talk to your loved ones about rules that might have been created in anger. Identify better ways to communicate during these times.