Do you feel a need to constantly explain and justify yourself? What does it mean to be just, right, or reasonable? Is the truth enough to justify whatever it is we are trying to justify? The truth of the matter comes down to the idea of objective perspective on any given situation. There is no such thing as an objective perspective. We perceive the world differently from each other while seeing the same thing closely enough there is not discrepancy in much of our interpretation. However, sometimes there is.
Our attempt to just justify our perception often comes from a place of not being believed or told our perception is wrong. So much of the time we are merely seeking to be understood. This happens with neurodivergent individuals. We overly explain our perception and are told we are know it all’s. Really, we are just justifying in an attempt to show our work in the process of perception and cognition that led us to a possibly differing opinion. We are trying to understand if our perception is the same as others while also trying to understand how others might have come to those differing conclusions.
Self-justification is unnecessary. Our behavior is based on our perception whether right or wrong. We operate to the best of our ability in each situation based on our understanding. The error many people make in interpreting the behavior of another is in the assumption of malice behind their intent. Much of the pain in the world is not created through malice, but through misunderstanding. We have no need to self-justify as our actions are nearly always the best we can manage at any given time. Coming up short is enough to show we were unable to meet the expectation. It is rare that justification makes a person who will not get what they want feel good about your failure to meet their expectations. That would take emotional intelligence or wisdom.
Justification is also dangerous when dealing with a narcissistic person or one operating in malice. They use the need to justify yourself against you. If you can’t justify yourself, you need to keep trying at the cost to yourself. If you can justify yourself, they lose out on getting what they want. This is an unacceptable result for them. Lucky for them, they are the one who gets to determine if your justification is good enough (Hint: it never will be).
So let us not look for justification. Let’s just live our lives to the best of our ability. Let’s try our best and help others when we are able while note allowing others to take advantage of our desire to be understood. Hopefully this writing can help to form the foundation of that understanding so you can go out and build your own healthy support system.