Secondary emotions are emotions that present on top of other emotions. They are the emotions that we see when there might be a deeper emotion driving them on the surface. Some secondary emotions are Anger, Boredom, or Jealousy. These are emotions of avoidance. They help us to feel something that is more comfortable and often in control when we lack that control in reality.
Anger can cover Fear, Sadness, Pain, or Fear of being Sad or in Pain. Anger lets us feel in control and gives direction to do something about a feeling we don’t want to feel. Anger is often described as more comfortable to feel than Fear, Sadness, or Pain. It allows us to not feel weak. But Anger has a cost. It is often destructive. Is the thing you are angry about even going to matter in 2 seconds, 2 minutes, 2 hours, 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months, or 2 years? After about 1 year, most things that make angry no longer exist in our lives. Dan Gilbert discusses this effect with lottery winners and amputees after one year from their event. They end up with similar levels of happiness.
Boredom is a tricky secondary emotion. It hides what drives it. If you have ever sat in a room alone and done nothing without feeling bored, then you can understand something else must be driving this emotion. The feeling of boredom is not a lack of fun. It is the urge to escape. Boredom screams at us to do anything other than what we are doing at the time. But why? Sitting alone in a room with nothing to do often gives our mind time to think. Boredom is the defense mechanism our brain uses to prevent thinking, processing, and even mindfulness. The urge is so strong to run that we rarely even realize that is what we are doing. We listen without question and thus cannot address the cause.
Jealousy is another secondary emotion. It is the form of anger that avoids feeling less than. It gives us someone to blame other than ourselves for the loss or failure to gain what it is we want. I am using jealousy and envy interchangeably here even though they are different words. They are similarly secondary emotions to not having something or someone others have. Jealousy gives us the excuse to be angry at others for what we have not achieved, rather than drive us to try harder to achieve or move on from what is unachievable. I used to tell people who seemed angry at the knowledge of psychology I used in group therapy that if they wanted what I had, they would need to do what I did. When they stated they did not want to do what I did, I affirmed that they then did not want what I had. Jealousy is the excuse to be angry at our unwillingness or inability to pay the cost of entry to whatever it is we want.