Sometimes people will say to me, “I don’t know if I’m getting better” or “How do I know if this is working” in the early stages of therapy. I tend to tell them that the early goal is not a positive answer. It can simply be the reduction or hopefully the end of suffering rather than the complete opposite to start. If we are standing on ice and hear it cracking then bad things are still happening or about to happen. Sometimes the win is when the ice stops cracking. Sometimes the win is when the cracking process changes.
If the cracks in the ice slow, become smaller, or aren’t continuing for extended periods then we might be safe despite the danger of the situation. Frequency, intensity, and duration are clear measures of change when it comes to both good or bad things in our life. How often are bad things happening? How bad are they? How long does each episode of bad last? If the bad is trending towards less often, not as bad, and lasting less time then we are clearly having an effect on the process and gaining more control in our world.
The same can be said of the opposite. If good things are happening more frequently, they feel much better than before, and they are lasting for longer periods of time then we can assume that our influence on life is having a positive effect. The measurements show us what actions we are taking that produce results we want to repeat. Once we learn how to repeat the desired outcome, pain can be handled much more easily.
We can handle almost anything if we know how long it’s going to last, how bad it’s going to be, or how often it is going to happen. The traumatic response often comes from not having knowledge of this. The depression response comes out of the helplessness to change it. The anxiety response is in the desire to avoid it all together. However, we can heal and face difficulty in our lives. Therapy can be the key to unlock the knowledge needed to find change.