People who lie tend to do so when they don’t believe the truth will be enough. This tends to start in early life when telling the truth and lying seem to both be punished. Lying at least then has times when there is no punishment. This is not me cosigning the ability to lie to loved ones. I am just trying explain where the behavior can develop. The best counter to lying is emotional safety. Liars might stop lying if they feel they can tell the truth without rejection or punishment.
This is a difficult bar to meet. It is hard to have a person in our lives that lies. It is much easier for a therapist to support a person who lies since the only person in that relationship that suffers from the behavior is the compulsive liar. It’s not always easy for loved ones of people who lie to create these safe relationships. Lies often harm those close to the person who lies. They also affect the ability to have trust.
If a person you care about lies to you, it might not be you who can provide the healing space for them to change. We must all protect ourselves emotionally. Sometimes that means the people we love who lie might not be part of our life anymore. It is important for each of us to make this decision ourselves. Just because you might understand why they lie does not mean you have to allow them to harm you with said lies.
Sometimes the damage that caused these lying behaviors was done by people early in the life of the person who uses deceit. The harm can still happen in other relationships later and be difficult to stop. We go to therapy so we don’t bleed on the people who didn’t cut us. Allow a therapist to support your loved ones when the behavior of those loved ones harms you. It is okay to protect yourself.
If you use deceit in your relationships, talk about what safety you might need to overcome this. Talk to a therapist about wanting to make a change. If someone in your life lies and harms you with those lies, ask them to seek help. Protect yourself emotionally if you have to with distance when necessary.