So many people seem to be looking for “closure” before they are willing to heal from their wounds. In fact, I have heard this a lot in the statement, “I just need closure”. The I just need can harken back to our last blog about False Epiphanies. I’m not sure closure happens in the way people want it to. What even is closure?
Some refer to closure as the “end” of the relationship, but we seem to seek it even after the relationship has ended. Perhaps this is when it becomes a one sided relationship when the other person has moved on. That isn’t exactly a relationship. I feel the idea of closure is really the acceptance of the end or acceptance of what happened. However, we use the demand of closure as a way to get the last fumes of a relationship as it dissipates into the air after the bottle has broken. Our use of closure is avoidance while we demand acceptance.
So how can we find acceptance in results we don’t want to be true? Well, that is where the true closure lies. There is not magical statement or action that will make us accept the opposite of what we wanted. The end of a relationship, the reason of an abuser, or the loss of a job against our will. The way closure is used often asks for the other party to tell us something that would make it okay for the pain to have been given to us. The problem here is that we will never accept their reasoning. If we would have accepted it, we wouldn’t need the closure process.
The act of getting closure is often a myth. Too often, I have seen the real closure people get is when they confront the person and realize they will never be heard or their feelings can’t sway the situation. So much time and pain can be saved by choosing to move forward when something ends and accepting that end. Rejecting the loss is rejecting the joy during the time we had what we have now lost. Someone once asked Thich Nhat Hanh about grief and losing a loved one, how to prepare for it. He said to spend each moment as if it is the last. Hug that person every time as if it would be the last time.
We need to live in the moment and experience our life so that we are not left stranded in emotion when chapters end.