In treating people with pornography addiction, I have noticed a trend that seems to separate it from other addictions including sex addiction. Individuals with pornography addiction tend to have lower self-esteem and less capacity for being vulnerable with other people.
Vladimir Hedrih wrote an article for PsyPost exploring a study that links higher self-acceptance and lower problematic usage of pornography. The article and the study recognize the correlation between self-acceptance and problematic pornography use. The less accepting a person is of themselves, the more likely they were to have problematic use where as the reverse was also found to be accurate. The more accepting a person was of themselves led to results showing less problematic pornography use.
There is often a factor of wanting to gain the dopamine hit of sexual engagement without the willingness to put themselves at risk of being judged by a partner in vulnerable moments, such as during sex. People who show addictive behavior toward pornography appear able to achieve this due to the lack of ability for pornography to truly judge the person watching it.
This leads to the self-reinforcing issue of pornography’s use. The person is watching porn in an attempt to avoid judgement while building shame and guilt for engaging with porn, often while in a relationship that has placed consequences on this usage. The issue becomes what Viktor Frankl coined as “paradoxical intent”. The more a person tries to stop using pornography through guilt and shame, the more they are driven to use it.
I have found that in treating these struggles, people must be able to confront these fears of vulnerability and being judged by themselves and their partners. Without being able to confront this fear and become more open, the relationship will only continue the process of a shame spiral into paradoxical intent.